How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
