we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
