I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
