dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
