i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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