naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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