she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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