office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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