Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
