We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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