Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
