Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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