Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
