I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
