Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
