omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
