he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
