So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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