No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
