i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
