Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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