I am in a vortex of obligation.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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