they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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