I don't think brook has ever known best
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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