Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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