Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
