Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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