she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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