im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
