I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
