What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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