Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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