my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
