Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (11571) Bad night (1789)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

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  (207): Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy http://tfl.nu/f2lx
  Replies (40) Good night (4880) Bad night (2182)
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  (619): View more from California

  on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.

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  (619): on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed. http://tfl.nu/fpfi
  Replies (6) Good night (3202) Bad night (1266)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"

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  (303): good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia" http://tfl.nu/o7ku
  Replies (6) Good night (2202) Bad night (1764)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic

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  (845): you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic http://tfl.nu/aiqs
  Replies (4) Good night (2500) Bad night (649)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.

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  (904): I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff. http://tfl.nu/e8i1
  Replies (13) Good night (2650) Bad night (1073)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".

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  (703): You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick". http://tfl.nu/ootc
  Replies (6) Good night (2367) Bad night (672)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  where's the fun in that?

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  (715): somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion. (920): where's the fun in that? http://tfl.nu/xkei
  Replies (1) Good night (1255) Bad night (706)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem

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  (330): Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem http://tfl.nu/va1i
  Replies (10) Good night (1690) Bad night (737)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea

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  (317): For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea http://tfl.nu/lnc6
  Replies (8) Good night (615) Bad night (1774)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.

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  (906): Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good. http://tfl.nu/y37n
  Replies (29) Good night (2081) Bad night (723)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?

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  (217): Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit. (309): Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed? http://tfl.nu/sacc
  Replies (3) Good night (981) Bad night (576)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!

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  (281): She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave! http://tfl.nu/tzuo
  Replies (12) Good night (1067) Bad night (664)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?

  (813): View more from Florida

  Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Stop reading WebMD high.

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  (813): Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around? (813): Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid? (1-813): Stop reading WebMD high. http://tfl.nu/y2j5
  Replies (6) Good night (1225) Bad night (455)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.

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  (708): It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king. http://tfl.nu/bumr
  Replies (2) Good night (567) Bad night (263)

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