Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.

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(314): Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy. http://tfl.nu/gwon

Replies (4) Good night (894) Bad night (2865)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.

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(423): two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars. http://tfl.nu/vo0x

Replies (35) Good night (900) Bad night (6564)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.

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(724): the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience. http://tfl.nu/dazo

Replies (12) Good night (764) Bad night (4225)
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(812): View more from Indiana

We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.

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(812): We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed. http://tfl.nu/r8jj

Replies (18) Good night (7720) Bad night (1188)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time

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(732): its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time http://tfl.nu/vuuh

Replies (57) Good night (1088) Bad night (7759)
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(302): View more from Delaware

I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.

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(302): I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years. http://tfl.nu/sw0p

Replies (4) Good night (801) Bad night (3346)
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(281): View more from Texas

thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.

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(281): thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone. http://tfl.nu/c518

Replies (7) Good night (3332) Bad night (841)
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(914): View more from New York

He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List

(914): View more from New York

Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)

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(914): He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List (914): Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired) http://tfl.nu/bfp9

Replies (28) Good night (1802) Bad night (883)
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(607): View more from New York

I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.

(1-607): View more from New York

Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.

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(607): I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid. (1-607): Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late. http://tfl.nu/e8gd

Replies (8) Good night (1889) Bad night (687)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.

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(610): Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka. http://tfl.nu/ea3z

Replies (8) Good night (1131) Bad night (673)
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(410): View more from Maryland

well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.

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(410): well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you. http://tfl.nu/1rtw

Replies (5) Good night (666) Bad night (294)
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(315): View more from New York

That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.

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(315): That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes. http://tfl.nu/lakd

Replies (5) Good night (819) Bad night (265)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.

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(412): You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room. http://tfl.nu/nfbu

Replies (4) Good night (952) Bad night (200)
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(710): View more from

It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.

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(710): It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse. http://tfl.nu/ozwb

Replies (1) Good night (474) Bad night (251)
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(360): View more from Washington

Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.

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(360): Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits. http://tfl.nu/3dqo

Replies (5) Good night (1354) Bad night (231)

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