Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

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  (314): rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places? http://tfl.nu/i464
  Replies (39) Good night (6153) Bad night (650)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.

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  (617): found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked. http://tfl.nu/pme2
  Replies (34) Good night (12081) Bad night (782)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.

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  (773): that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them. http://tfl.nu/o468
  Replies (10) Good night (3752) Bad night (1459)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes

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  (859): i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes http://tfl.nu/xf12
  Replies (19) Good night (906) Bad night (3564)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.

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  (910): Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study. http://tfl.nu/l0py
  Replies (13) Good night (2439) Bad night (3152)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.

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  (269): My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow. http://tfl.nu/11lx
  Replies (12) Good night (3681) Bad night (1088)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

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  (423): Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out http://tfl.nu/rbnc
  Replies (13) Good night (1384) Bad night (3171)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.

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  (724): It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution. http://tfl.nu/mzdu
  Replies (0) Good night (719) Bad night (2423)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".

  (416): View more from Toronto

  That's about an "8" on normal scales.

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  (416): I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him". (416): That's about an "8" on normal scales. http://tfl.nu/joyf
  Replies (7) Good night (2683) Bad night (883)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.

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  (419): I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home. http://tfl.nu/9c0m
  Replies (4) Good night (1021) Bad night (2011)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.

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  (770): You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building. http://tfl.nu/mjb6
  Replies (18) Good night (842) Bad night (2196)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.

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  (903): All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed. http://tfl.nu/pos0
  Replies (3) Good night (2062) Bad night (503)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!

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  (316): At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?! http://tfl.nu/842p
  Replies (1) Good night (677) Bad night (1286)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.

  (254): View more from Texas

  It's 2 pm....

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  (940): I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas. (254): It's 2 pm.... http://tfl.nu/onth
  Replies (3) Good night (1779) Bad night (354)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go

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  (850): We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go http://tfl.nu/28iq
  Replies (4) Good night (363) Bad night (185)

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