Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
23 People Confess The Lamest Things They’ve Ever Done To Fit In
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
These 27 Texts Prove Pets Make Better BFFs Than Humans
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.