Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.

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  (412): I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship. http://tfl.nu/nd0o
  Replies (20) Good night (2884) Bad night (752)
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  (631): View more from New York

  After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch

  (1-631): View more from New York

  that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her

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  (631): After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch (1-631): that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her http://tfl.nu/x28l
  Replies (28) Good night (1245) Bad night (6113)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?

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  (319): Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's? http://tfl.nu/rb01
  Replies (18) Good night (974) Bad night (5193)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!

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  (937): I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser! http://tfl.nu/qe5c
  Replies (36) Good night (1005) Bad night (5038)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?

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  (978): What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax? http://tfl.nu/zknj
  Replies (12) Good night (3673) Bad night (1324)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.

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  (+44): Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here. http://tfl.nu/0a2t
  Replies (7) Good night (2471) Bad night (964)
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  (818): View more from California

  What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?

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  (818): What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction? http://tfl.nu/asxf
  Replies (17) Good night (888) Bad night (5081)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.

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  (940): I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again. http://tfl.nu/j6me
  Replies (7) Good night (886) Bad night (2267)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.

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  (608): You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out. http://tfl.nu/pyc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1339) Bad night (632)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.

  (1-401): View more from Rhode Island

  You bought MORE?!

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  (401): Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier. (1-401): You bought MORE?! http://tfl.nu/bgbr
  Replies (8) Good night (640) Bad night (1215)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's a journey

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  And the destination is his penis?

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Precisely.

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  (907): It's a journey (1-907): And the destination is his penis? (907): Precisely. http://tfl.nu/ln5a
  Replies (2) Good night (1333) Bad night (425)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.

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  (608): On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke. http://tfl.nu/f19p
  Replies (18) Good night (3007) Bad night (498)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.

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  (402): Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that. http://tfl.nu/5bb0
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (272)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..

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  (773): somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear.. http://tfl.nu/ati2
  Replies (1) Good night (482) Bad night (556)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.

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  (609): I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is. http://tfl.nu/eqk8
  Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (587)

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