i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...