Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
