no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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