Me. At least after what I've been through.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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