we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
