U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize