haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I am morally bankrupt
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
