I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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