good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How's work?
Spinning.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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