bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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