all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
