Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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