Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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