Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't deserve a penis
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
