Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
