Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
