Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
