That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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