yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
