i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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