OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The air was thick with penises
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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