I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
