Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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