I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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