Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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