Old men and throwing up are my life now.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize