party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
