Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have already put on my inside pants.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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