No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
