Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
