it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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