omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
