***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
