I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
