The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
