i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
