they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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